


What Doesn't Kill Me (Makes Me Want You More)

by ladylookslikeadude



Series: Ad Astra Per Aspera [3]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003) - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Flirting, Kissing, Love Does Not Equal Attachment, M/M, Mentioned Anakin Skywalker, Mentioned Anakin Skywalker/Padmé Amidala - Freeform, Mentioned Cody/Obi-Wan Kenobi, Mentioned Infidelity, Mentioned Obi-Wan Kenobi, Quinlan Vos Is Not Amused, aggressive flirting, minor jealousy, that did not happen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:47:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26188960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylookslikeadude/pseuds/ladylookslikeadude
Summary: Quinlan Vos is not amused when Obi-Wan tells him about his conversation with Anakin and Senator Amidala.  So he does something about it.  His conversation with the Senator goes about as well as he could have expected it to, all things considered-and he has high hopes she'll bring Anakin around too.  But it's his conversation with the Coruscant Guard afterwards that makes his day-and demonstrates the progress he's made in his months of flirting with Commander Fox.  After they get through a few miscommunications of their own, of course.
Relationships: CC-1010 | Fox/Quinlan Vos
Series: Ad Astra Per Aspera [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1868728
Comments: 38
Kudos: 311





	What Doesn't Kill Me (Makes Me Want You More)

Quinlan had never claimed to be a good person. He was a good Jedi Shadow, and that meant that he had to be able to dip down into the well of darkness most Jedi were encouraged to excise from themselves, and he made use of it regularly. But seeing how resigned Obi-Wan had been to the casual cruelty of Anakin and Senator Amidala had made his heart hurt. Watching Cody and Obi-Wan had taken some of the sting out of it though, he had to admit. Even if he was just a little bit jealous that even  _ more  _ of Obi-Wan’s time would be taken up now.

Still, listening to Obi-Wan dismiss his own hurt as unimportant and childish had irritated Quinlan. And everyone knew that when Quinlan was irritated, everyone else had to hear about it. After Obi-Wan had spoken with Cody-and no, Quinlan was not going to speculate on why his friend looked so ruffled!-he’d called Quinlan and told him how the conversation with Anakin and the Senator had gone. 

He’d had to convince Quinlan to not march over to the Temple and throw Anakin around the training salle until he got some sense knocked into him. Cody had been noticeably silent during that particular argument. Quinlan was pretty sure he’d actually been on his side-which was rare, because Cody really didn’t care for Quinlan that much. Which is why he was at the Senate, casually sauntering into the good Senator’s office.

“Master Vos?” Senator Amidala looked surprised, sitting back in her chair. Commander Thire was across from her, eyeing his expression with a small frown. Quinlan came around to flirt with Fox enough that Thire knew there was something off about his easy expression.

“Senator,” Quinlan greeted blandly. “I need to speak with you, if you have a moment.” He could demand her time, certainly, but sometimes it was better to leave them off balance-and no one ever expected Quinlan to be polite.

Sure enough, her expression grew concerned. “Of course,” She murmured, before turning to Thire. “I believe the security protocols we’ve gone over already are sufficient, Commander. If you’ll excuse us?” Padme dismissed him politely.

“It’s better if he stays, I think,” Quinlan said quietly, offering her a thin, almost mocking smile. “After all, I’d hate for Anakin to get the wrong idea.”

The Senator flushed. “Anakin knows better,” She protested, but she stopped trying to dismiss Thire, who looked incredibly uncomfortable. 

Quinlan looked at him and offered an apologetic smile. “I  _ am  _ sorry about this, Thire,” He said, before turning to the Senator. “Anakin absolutely does not know better. He’s half convinced that Obi-Wan, of all people, has a thing for you, which should really show you how ridiculous he is,” Quinlan muttered, grimacing. Whether or not Obi-Wan would have ever wanted her, she was his brother’s wife. He would have never even dreamed of touching her.

Padme huffed, looking away. “I know,” she murmured. “I don’t know how to reassure him, so I’ve been trying to stay away from Obi-Wan recently. It’s been helping, at least a little,” she offered with a small, hopeful smile-as if Quinlan gave a damn about Anakin Skywalker’s insecurities with his wife.

“That’s nice,” Quinlan said, very mildly, and Thire flinched. Quinlan offered him another apologetic look, knowing that he’d only heard Quinlan this eerily calm once, and it was when he’d thought Obi-Wan was dead. Quinlan then refocused on the Senator. “But now Obi-Wan is quite convinced that you were never friends at all, and that he overestimated where he fell in your esteem.” His eyes narrowed. “I’m assuming that he  _ is _ incorrect about that, of course.”

“Of course he is!” The Senator sounded supremely insulted, much to Quinlan’s disdain. “Obi-Wan is one of my dearest friends, I can’t believe he would ever doubt that!”

“Except for the fact that you’ve been avoiding him outside of Anakin’s company, and you’ve been lying to him for years about your relationship with his Padawan,” Quinlan added, his composure starting to crack as his voice got sharp. “He asked you once, Senator, if you were in a relationship with Anakin, and you lied to his face.”

Her pretty face flushed and she averted her eyes. “I couldn’t place that sort of pressure on him,” she said quietly. “Anakin said that he always followed the Council orders to the letter, and I would never have wanted him to have to choose between Anakin and the Code.” Padme paused. “Anakin and the Jedi Council,” she admitted after a moment. “I didn’t want to know what he’d choose, and I couldn’t bear to be the reason Anakin was expelled from the Order.”

Quinlan sort of wanted to rip every single hair out of her head. “So instead of being adults about it, you and Anakin chose to keep it a secret and lie to everyone you know.” He sighed. “But you know, this isn’t even about that,” he said. “This is about Obi-Wan, and how the two of you have broken his heart.”

Padme glared. “I’m sorry he was hurt, Master Vos, but we were adults, and this was our choice,” she bit out, placing her hands flat on her desk.

Quinlan tipped his head to the side. “You’re not wrong,” he told her. Quinlan was a Jedi Shadow, and that meant that he had learned to listen to the Force in all things, and right now the Force was telling him to call her bluff. So he stood up, turned his back on her confusion, and walked to the door.

“Master Vos!” Padme sounded furious. “Where are you going?” She demanded.

“You’re obviously not interested in what I have to say,” Quinlan pointed out. “So I’m leaving. I don’t make a habit of wasting my time, and I’m not going to start now. I’d rather spend my time flirting with Commander Fox, if we’re being honest.” He shrugged when Thire snorted. Quinlan spent most of his time on Coruscant flirting with Fox, so Thire was entirely unsurprised to hear that.

“Sit down,” Padme sighed, rubbing her temples. “Please,” she added at Quinlan’s arched eyebrow.

_ Yes,  _ the Force murmured around him.  _ This is the way. _ The Force had never led Quinlan wrong before, so he retreated from the door and retook his seat. “I’m not sure what else there is to say Senator.”

“You have to understand, we never wanted to hurt Obi-Wan,” Padme told him, and she seemed desperate for him to believe her. 

And that was the thing. He did believe her, and he told her so. “But your intentions don’t matter, Senator. Your actions are what matter, and you both showed a complete disregard to Obi-Wan’s feelings and his place in Anakin’s life, at the very least.” She had looked so relieved when he’d said he believed her, watching her face fall as he continued to speak almost hurt. 

Padme closed her eyes. “I know,” she murmured. “I just-I couldn’t figure out how to fix it, Master Vos. Obi-Wan and I became friends, and I just didn’t know how to tell him that I’d married Anakin. So the lies just kept coming, and getting bigger.” She opened her eyes, looking determined. “Tell me how to fix this, please. I couldn’t bear to let Obi-Wan continue to feel like we’ve betrayed him with this.”

_ This is it _ , the Force whispered in Quinlan’s ear.  _ This is how you fix everything. _ The Force never led him wrong, so Quinlan considered his words carefully. “Before you do anything, Senator, you need to see where Anakin is at on this. Because we both know that he just doesn’t realize that his actions affect other people sometimes.”

“I know,” Padme agreed with a wince. “I try to point it out, but it’s so easy to get caught up in him sometimes,” she told him with a sigh.

“I’m sure,” Quinlan murmured, barely able to keep his disdain out of his voice. “But you both need to make a sincere apology to Obi-Wan, and make it clear that he did not, in fact, overestimate his place in your lives. Because as of right now? He thinks that you and he were never truly friends, and he feels like Anakin is attempting to completely shut him out of his life.” Quinlan smiled wryly. “And the thing about Obi-Wan? He’s pretty big on boundaries, so he’d never push if he thought Anakin wanted him out of his life.”

Padme groaned. “And Anakin is convinced that Obi-Wan is resentful of him, and thinks that’s why he’s stopped talking to him as much as he used to.” She rubbed her temples tiredly. “Why is it that out of everything, decent communication is what’s hardest to come by in this damned war?” She asked, exhaustion making her voice heavy.

“That is an excellent question Senator,” Quinlan said drily, “And not one to ask me, because I’m pretty straightforward about what I’m feeling.”

“Obviously,” Padme laughed a little, gesturing out towards him. “Given that you marched in here to give me a piece of your mind about how we’ve been treating Obi-Wan.” 

“You need to understand that you hurt him with your mistrust,” Quinlan told her quietly. “You both hurt him, and you need to accept that and get Anakin to accept it as well, and make an honest and sincere apology to Obi-Wan.” He grimaced. “He’ll forgive you, because he loves the both of you, but I’d suggest coming up with a better explanation for not telling him than being afraid the Order would expel Anakin. You should have both known Obi-Wan would have never let it come to that.” He paused. 

“And Anakin should have had more faith in the Council than that, even if he did completely ignore everything Obi-Wan tried to teach him about the rules of attachment in the Order. Obi-Wan feels like he overestimated his place in both of your lives at this point, and if he didn’t, you need to make that clear to him.” Quinlan was firm on this point, because he was done watching Obi-Wan wonder if these people actually cared about him. It was time for them to be straightforward and honest for once.

Her laughter faded quickly as he spoke, and by the time he was finished she was very serious, and had one of the most determined looks he’d ever seen on her face. “Thank you, Master Vos,” she said sincerely. “I want to believe that Anakin and I would have come to this conclusion ourselves, but we’ve let ourselves become distracted from what truly matters, I think.”

“It certainly happens on occasion,” Quinlan said, before pushing himself out of his seat. He’d reached his politician limit today, and even if Senator Amidala  _ was  _ one of the better ones he was still exhausted from it. He glanced at the chron on the way out and grimaced. It wasn’t even past midday yet, and he already felt like he needed a nap.

He paused to let Thire catch up to him, and offered a tired smile. “Offer Commander Fox my apologies, Commander Thire, but I probably won’t be by to flirt today.” Which was a pity, because it really was the highlight of his day when he was on Coruscant.

“You should come by anyways,” Thire said quietly, his eyes trained on Quinlan. “If you feel up to it, of course, but I think we all have some questions about General Skywalker and the Senator.”

Quinlan grimaced. “And I’m probably the closest thing you’ll come to a direct source on that, because Obi-Wan won’t say anything, and Anakin and Senator Amidala are too used to keeping it secret.” He waved off Thire’s apologies. “No, you’re fine. You’re right, actually, you all should probably know exactly what’s going on so you’re prepared for any questions you may get.” 

He let Thire lead him to the Guard office, and he slid silently into the chair in front of Fox’s desk. 

He knew it was a bad idea. His whole thing with Fox was flirting until the clone was threatening to throw him out of the window, and then leaving. So the fact that Quinlan just sank down into the chair in front of Fox’s desk, unable to even offer a regular greeting let alone the terribly flirty one that he typically offered, meant that everyone in the office was immediately focused on him. And while Quinlan was normally more than happy to allow all of the attention to be focused on him, today wasn’t a normal day.

“Vos?” Fox’s voice was low, and far less aggressive than it typically was when talking to him. “Are-are you alright?” He asked hesitantly, looking around like he could see what was causing Quinlan to act so out of character.

“I’m fine,” Quinlan huffed, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. “I’m just marveling at how spectacularly stupid Anakin can be sometimes.” 

“What’d General Skywalker do this time?” Stone asked, putting down his paperwork and looking interested. Which, fair Quinlan decided. Anakin’s drama was always way more entertaining than paperwork, even if this drama included breaking Obi-Wan’s heart.

“He was hiding his marriage from the Council.” Quinlan shrugged, straightening up to look at the men in the office. “Which is fine, I wouldn’t want their noses in my bedroom either-so to speak,” He added quickly, seeing the rising question on Stone’s face. “But he thought he was hiding it from Obi-Wan too, which was a pretty terrible thing to do to the man who half raised him, and it broke Obi-Wan’s heart to realize it,” he murmured.

“You don’t seem upset,” Fox said slowly, finally putting down his paperwork as well. Which was downright rude in his opinion, Quinlan had never managed to make him put down his paperwork ever, and he had  _ worked  _ at it.

The question finally registered, and he frowned. “I mean, about the relationship?” Quinlan grimaced. “I’m questioning Senator Amidala’s taste, because Anakin is a huge dick with an anger problem, but it’s their relationship, I don’t have any say in it.” He felt lost when he saw the glee on Thire’s face. He had obviously missed something there, and he had a dawning feeling that explaining the situation between Anakin and the Senator wasn’t the only reason Thire had wanted him to come to the Guard office this morning.

“The Jedi Order forbids relationships,” Fox said flatly, his eyes narrowing as he stared Quinlan down. At this point he had actually put his data pad completely to the side and wasn’t even glancing at it, and Quinlan couldn’t help but be a little bitter. If he’d known discussing the Order’s stance on kriffing _relationships_ of all things would get Fox’s attention focused solely on him, he would have done it far sooner.

“No?” Quinlan couldn’t help the fact that it came out like a question. “The Order has never forbidden relationships. I mean, the fact that he’s  _ married  _ is a little iffy, because he made his vows to the Republic and the Order first, but as long as he manages to put his duty before his relationship it’ll be fine.” Thire was actually starting to look a little bit manic in his glee, and Quinlan was...a little bit concerned, to say the least.

Fox drummed his fingers on the desk, his eyes boring into Quinlan. “Your Code forbids attachment.” Ah, there was the aggressive tone Quinlan had come to know-although why he was getting aggressive about the Jedi Code of all things was beyond him.

Quinlan understood where the confusion was coming from now, even if he was still pretty sure he was missing a piece of the puzzle. “Right. So in your personal relationships, whether they’re romantic or otherwise, you can’t put that person above your duty.” He tipped his head. “Like with Obi-Wan and Cody. Even though they’re in a relationship, if one of them went down on a mission and the mission was critical, they would complete the mission no matter what it took. It’s a matter of putting your duty above your love, even when it hurts.”

Thire actually began  _ giggling _ like a little girl. But a little girl like Siri Tachi had been a little girl, which meant that it was incredibly terrifying and Quinlan was about one wrong twitch away from vaulting out of the chair and throwing  _ himself  _ out of the window. Thire finally managed to calm himself enough to ask, “General Kenobi and Commander Cody are dating?”

“Yes…?” Quinlan replied slowly, before frowning. “Well, they’d better be. Obi-Wan is sensitive, and if the Commander just wants to sleep with him I’m going to throw him out of the airlock,” He muttered darkly.

Fox had stopped drumming his fingers. In fact, he had gone incredibly, unbelievably still. “I thought you and General Kenobi were dating?” Fox asked, his eyes not moving an inch from Quinlan and making a small shiver run through his body.

“What?” Quinlan grimaced. “No, gross. I grew up with him, he’s practically my brother. I could never sleep with him.” He waved off the thought. “Anyways, continuing on. He didn’t listen to Obi-Wan when he explained the rules of attachment, which is one thing, but he and Senator Amidala both tried to hide it from Obi-Wan, and it’s actually breaking his heart.” Quinlan huffed. “Which is why I’m here.” He paused. “Anakin and his relationship, not Obi-Wan’s heartbreak. Thire made a good point after I left the Senator’s office. He pointed out that you should probably know what’s going on so you’re not blindsided, because Anakin is not going to be discreet about it,” Quinlan warned.

“Everybody out,” Fox said, eerily calm. Quinlan offered a concerned look, but began to rise with everyone else to leave the office. “Vos, sit back down. You’re staying.” Normally Quinlan would protest being ordered around like that, but Fox had a dangerous edge to his voice that said arguing would be a very bad idea at this point. Plus, Quinlan couldn’t lie, he sort of liked being ordered around by Fox.

“Did you need something, Commander?” Quinlan asked, watching Fox carefully. The strange stillness that had overcome the Commander was finally broken when he stood abruptly.

“Yes, actually, I do,” Fox said, walking around the desk to lean a hip against it, his eyes focused on Quinlan. “I need you to explain exactly what attachment means, and why a relationship wouldn’t be breaking the Jedi Code.”

Quinlan hesitated for a moment, debating on asking why, exactly, Fox needed to know that, but he dismissed that desire after Fox arched an eyebrow in his direction, his expression even more impatient than normal. “Ok,” he murmured, “So it’s like I said, you have to be able to put your duty above your relationship.” He hesitated, frowning as he considered how else to word it.

“Like,” Fox murmured, “When General Skywalker goes on his campaigns despite the fact that he would obviously love to stay here with his wife.”

“Exactly,” Quinlan said with a small smile. “You can be in a relationship and love, but that love can’t overshadow everything else in your life. You can’t be...greedy about it, because once you become greedy and possessive, you start to fear that someone will take your love away from you, and fear is the path to the Dark Side.”

Fox hummed, continuing to watch Quinlan steadily. “And you’re not dating General Kenobi?”

“No,” Quinlan murmured, a small frown growing on his face. “No, I love him, but not like that. We’re not well matched in that aspect.” He hesitated. “Why?” He finally asked warily.

“You really don’t know?” Fox asked, quicksilver amusement flickering over his face as he pushed off the desk and right into Quinlan’s personal space.

Quinlan’s breath caught briefly in his throat. “No, I can’t say I do.” He smirked a little. “Explain it to me like I’m exactly as dumb as you think I am,” he suggested.

“I didn’t particularly care about your Code,” Fox admitted with a small shrug. “I figured you’re enough of a rule breaker that if it was only the Code standing in your way, you were serious about the flirting.” He paused. “But I also saw you around General Kenobi, and I believe we were all under the impression that you were dating.”

“Oh,” Quinlan huffed out a frustrated breath. “You-what, you thought that I was trying to cheat on Obi-Wan?” He asked, confused and a little irritated that Fox thought that poorly of him.

Fox was pressed against his shoulder now, a steady line of heat against bare skin. “It was a consideration, I have to admit. It wouldn’t have irritated me nearly as much if I’d thought you were just flirting to flirt-I could work with that, after all-but you only flirted in this office with no one else around.” Fox pointed out.

Quinlan thought back, and then muttered a curse. “You’re right. I didn’t realize it, but that probably looked pretty bad, huh?” He asked ruefully.

“It certainly didn’t help the impression we already had of you,” Fox said, surprisingly diplomatic.

Quinlan paused. “Wait, what did you mean, you could work with it if I was flirting just to flirt?” He frowned, twisting around to look Fox in the face. He already missed the heat on his skin, which was ridiculous so he ignored it.

Fox arched an eyebrow. “Really?” He smirked a little. “For someone so determined to flirt with me at every given opportunity, you’re really not good at picking up when someone’s flirting back.”

“If threatening to throw me out of the window is your idea of flirting, you and I are going to have to have a long talk,” Quinlan deadpanned, but then he smiled a little bit. “At least this time I actually managed to make you put down your data pad,” he said, cheerfully triumphant.

“I noticed that it irritated you,” Fox admitted with a wicked look slanted towards him. “You’re very used to having people’s undivided attention on you.”

Quinlan huffed. “I am,” he admitted. “And you not responding to my flirting and ignoring me for your paperwork did irritate me-and made me more determined to get you to pay attention to me.”

Fox hummed, considering. “Well, you have my undivided attention now,” he pointed out, raising a hand to thread through Quinlan’s dreadlocks, tugging almost playfully on them.

Quinlan’s breath caught in his throat. “Um, true, but you’re also on duty,” he managed. He hesitated, Fox waiting patiently, before saying, “Dinner tonight?”

“Yes,” Fox confirmed with a smile, before adding, “Dinner every night you’re on Coruscant, Quinlan.” His smile edged towards sharp as he added, “I’m not a fan of having to share your attention while you’re planet side, I have to admit.”

“Well, I can assure you that during dinner my attention will be completely on you,” Quinlan promised, his smile bright. His flirting had actually  _ worked _ -sort of, anyway. It was more like Fox’s interrogation had worked, but either way Quinlan finally had a date with Fox, and he couldn’t be more thrilled.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Fox told him, finally releasing his dreadlocks to settle back against the desk in front of him, a hint of challenge in his eyes as he casually crossed his arms.

Quinlan was never one to say no to a challenge, so he pushed himself up off of the chair and took a half step forward to slide his hands around Fox’s neck, pressing himself against him. “Can I kiss you?” Quinlan asked lowly, enjoying watching Fox’s eyes dilate as he played with the hairs at the nape of his neck.

Fox dropped his hands to Quinlan’s hips, pulling him almost impossibly closer. “By all means,” Fox rasped, his eyes trained on Quinlan’s lips.

“Great,” Quinlan murmured, tipping his head forward and catching Fox’s lips. The kiss began gentle and almost hesitant, and then Fox groaned against Quinlan’s mouth, one hand traveling up to the back of his head, taking control of the kissing and deepening it.

Quinlan broke the kiss with a hum of pleasure, out of breath and smiling against his mouth. After a few moments he pulled away just enough that Fox’s armour wasn’t digging into him anymore. “I should probably go, so the rest of the Guard can come back in and not be horrified,” he teased gently.

“Or,” Fox countered, “You could stay right where you are and let me kiss you some more.” His hand drifted down from the back of Quinlan’s head back down to his hip, and his grip tightened faintly, but he didn’t pull him any closer yet.

“An excellent plan Commander,” Quinlan decided after a moment. “They can wait.”

Fox smiled. “The world can wait, just for a while,” he agreed.

And then they said nothing at all.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, it looks like this is becoming an actual fix it series, so that's exciting! I had to rewrite this several times though, because it just wasn't right the first few times I did. But I'm pretty happy with how this one turned out!


End file.
